Funny SMS

What do you call a Lada/Skoda at the top of a hill? A miracle.



Whats the definitoin of suspicion? A nun doing pressups in a cucumber field.



Why doesn't Jesus eat M and M's? Cos they fall through his hands.



Whits pink, wrinkled and hangs oot yer trousers??? Yer Gran!



What are 3 words you never wanna hear whilst making love? Honey, I'm home!



What do you get when you cross ESP with PMS? A bitch who knows everything.



How do you save a man from drowning? Take yer foot of his head.



Q: How many men does it take to change a toilet roll?

A: We don't know. Never happens.



Q: Why was the leper caught speeding?

A: He couldn't take his foot of the accelerator.



Q: What do you get when you cross a computer with a whore?

A: An f****ing know it all.



A chicken sandwidch walked into the bar, ordered some food and beer. The bartender says: "Sorry, we don't serve food here".

A: Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries.



Why do farts smell? For benefit of the deaf.



I've got the ship, you've got the harbor ... what say we tie up for the night?

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together.



Why'd the couple stop after 3 children? Cos they heard every fourth child born is chinese.



What did the drummer get on his IQ test? Drool...